Sony Network Suffers Massive Intrusion

Author's name: 
grady

Sony announced yesterday that the PlayStation Network was currently down.

As if we hadn’t noticed.

According to Sony officials, its popular gaming network had been hacked and much of its users’ personal account information had been compromised.

This blogger decided to go right to the source. But since I’m not allowed within 500 feet of Howard Stringer (who clearly has no sense of humour), I opted for an in-depth interview with Sony’s official blog, henceforth known as SOB.

So, SOB, what’s the sitch?

“We have discovered that between April 17 and April 19, 2011, certain PlayStation Network and Qriocity service user account information was compromised in connection with an illegal and unauthorized intrusion into our network.”

This is bad, SOB. And not like how you sued hackers for distributing a rootkit, or how it took you FOURTEEN YEARS to release Duke Nukem Forever.

REALLY bad.

So what kind of user info are we talking about? Like my top scores or something?

“[A]n unauthorized person has obtained the following information that you provided: name, address (city, state, zip), country, email address, birthdate, PlayStation Network/Qriocity password and login, and handle/PSN online ID. It is also possible that your profile data, including purchase history and billing address (city, state, zip), and your PlayStation Network/Qriocity password security answers may have been obtained.”

The hell?! Is there anything they DON’T know about me?

“The entire credit card table was encrypted and we have no evidence that credit card data was taken. The personal data table, which is a separate data set, was not encrypted, but was, of course, behind a very sophisticated security system that was breached in a malicious attack.”

So you’re saying they didn’t get my credit card number right?

“[W]e cannot rule out the possibility.”

^!%@$!!

So how many users are we talking about? Like, a dozen?

“[A]ll 77 million registered accounts.”

Wow. You guys really screwed the pooch on this one.

Okay, tell it to me straight: when do I get to play Call of Duty again?

“[W]e expect to have some services up and running within a week from yesterday.”

There is no emoticon yet invented to convey the level of rage I am experiencing.

Alright, SOB, there’s some questions need answering:

Why wasn’t ALL of our data encrypted? Who is responsible, and to what end?

And what the HELL am I supposed to do for the next week?

Photo by Hicham Souilmi. Used with permission under Creative Commons license 2.0

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